No Jane, No Pain

There seems to be some confusion about Jane. All of my (significant) exes are named Jane. It's a strange coincidence, I know. And, oddly, there's my current relationship with Jane A. Malgum. I'm sorry for any confusion this has caused. To me it just seems wrong to make up a fake name for each ex. The idea rankles my journalistic integrity. Additionally, I think my credibility would suffer if I started telling you about my life with Swamp Witch, Bitch Goddess, Soul Sucking Vampiress from Hell, etc. Therefore, in an effort to clarify from here on out, I will try to remember to refer to each Jane with her designated Roman numeral, assigned according to their chronological appearance in, pestiferous persistence of morally objectionable antics during, and subsequent eviscerating disappearance from my life.

This, of course, does not apply to Jane.

My apologies for the confusion.